PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 156.
March 5, 1919.
CHARIVARIA
.
"What is whisky?" asks an evening paper headline. Our memory isnot what is was, but we have certainly seen the name somewhere.
"Bitter," says the Kölnische Zeitung, "is the tasteof defeat." A reference, presumably, to the thirty thousand tons ofAmerican bacon sold to Germany by the Allies.
"The Octopus," said the Lord Mayor of DUBLIN in his inauguraladdress, "is showing its fangs." Meanwhile Cardinal GIBBONS is busytwisting the Lion's tentacles.
The owner of a mule found wandering at Walton-on-Thames is beingadvertised for. "Trooper," writing from Mesopotamia, says that ifit had a portion of khaki breeching and a stirrup in its mouth itis probably the brute which slipped out of his hands about sixmonths ago.
With regard to the man who was seen struggling in the river lastweek, the report that his house was immediately taken by apasser-by is untrue. The man who pushed him in had got therefirst.
So much controversy has been caused by DE VALERA'S escape fromprison that there is some idea of getting him to go back and do itagain.
It is reported that just before his escape DE VALERA had beengreatly affected by the account of some labour strike. He issupposed to have come out in sympathy.
There are now, it is announced, thirty-six prices at whichbottled beer may be sold. It is only fair to our readers to statethat the price it used to be is not included in the thirty-six.
A Servant Girls' Trade Union has been formed. So far there is nosuggestion of interfering with the mistresses' evening out.
Mr. Punch has already called attention to the statement that iscosts the nation a guinea every time a question is asked inParliament. The only difference between Westminster and the hauntsof the General Practitioner is that in the latter case (1) you payout of your own pocket, and (2) your tongue is protruded instead ofbeing kept in the cheek.
Burglars are very superstitious, says a press-gossip. Forexample the appearance of a policeman while a burglar is drilling asafe is considered distinctly unlucky.
"The pores of the ordinary individual," says a, weekly paper,"would reach nearly forty miles if placed end to end." We hope thatnothing of the kind will be attempted, as the traffic difficultiesare bad enough already.
A Thames bargee is reported to have sworn at a policeman foreleven minutes without stopping. We understand that there is talkof having the oration set to music.
Considerable damage has been caused in the Isle of Wight byrats. A description of the offenders has been furnished to thepolice.
In order to cope with the traffic problem the L.G.O. Companyhave placed one hundred additional omnibuses on the London streets.This is such an admirable solution of a serious difficulty thatpeople are wondering what member of the Government first suggestedit.
Despite the fact that his wife has attempted to shoot him eleventimes a Detroit architect declares that he will never leave her. Heappears to be one of those men who can never take a hint.
Mr. F.M.B. FISHER reports that in New Zealand some convictsrecently went on hunger-strike because a band played outside theprison. It seems that their ground of complaint was that this wasnot included in the sentence.
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