Transcriber’s Note:
The cover image was created by the transcriber and is placed in the public domain.
BY MARK TWAIN.
Extending the Blessings of Civilization to ourBrother who Sits in Darkness has been a goodtrade and has paid well, on the whole; and there ismoney in it yet, if carefully worked—but notenough, in my judgment, to make any considerablerisk advisable. The People that Sit in Darknessare getting to be too scarce—too scarce and tooshy. And such darkness as is now left is really ofbut an indifferent quality, and not dark enough forthe game. The most of those People that Sit inDarkness have been furnished with more light thanwas good for them or profitable for us. We havebeen injudicious.
The Blessings-of-Civilization Trust, wisely andcautiously administered, is a Daisy. There is moremoney in it, more territory, more sovereignty andother kinds of emolument, than there is in any othergame that is played. But Christendom has beenplaying it badly of late years, and must certainlysuffer by it, in my opinion. She has been so eagerto get every stake that appeared on the green cloth,that the People who Sit in Darkness have noticedit—they have noticed it, and have begun to showalarm. They have become suspicious of the Blessingsof Civilization. More—they have begun toexamine them. This is not well. The Blessingsof Civilization are all right, and a good commercialproperty; there could not be a better, in a dim light.In the right kind of a light, and at a proper distance,with the goods a little out of focus, they furnish3this desirable exhibit to the Gentlemen who Sitin Darkness:
LOVE,JUSTICE,GENTLENESS,CHRISTIANITY,PROTECTION TO THEWEAK,TEMPERANCE,LAW AND ORDER,LIBERTY,EQUALITY,HONORABLE DEALING,MERCY,EDUCATION,
—and so on.
There. Is it good? Sir, it is pie. It will bringinto camp any idiot that sits in darkness anywhere.But not if we adulterate it. It is proper to be emphaticupon that point. This brand is strictly forExport—apparently. Apparently. Privately andconfidentially, it is nothing of the kind. Privatelyand confidentially, it is merely an outside cover,gay and pretty and attractive, displaying the specialpatterns of our Civilization which we reserve forHome Consumption, while inside the bale is theActual Thing that the Customer Sitting in Darknessbuys with his blood and tears and land andliberty. That Actual Thing is, indeed, Civilization,but it is only for Export. Is there a difference betweenthe two brands? In some of the details, yes.
We all know that the Business is being ruined.The reason is not far to seek. It is because ourMr. McKinley, and Mr. Chamberlain, and theKaiser, and the Czar, and the French have beenexporting the Actual Thing with the outside coverleft off. This is bad for the Game. It shows thatthese new players of it are not sufficiently acquaintedwith it.
It is a distress to look on and note the mismoves,they are so strange and so awkward. Mr. Chamberlainmanufactures a war out of materials so inadequateand so fanciful that they make the boxesgrieve and the gallery laugh, and he tries hard to