The
Mania of the Nations
on the Planet Mars
and its Terrific Consequences
A Combination of Fun and Wisdom
by
A. CALMADENKER
Published in the Year 55 E.D. on Mars
(1915 A.D. on Earth)
By THE DENKER PUBLISHERS, Inc.
30 CHURCH STREET, NEW YORK
Copyright, 1915
by THE DENKER PUBLISHERS, Inc.
THE MANIA OF THE NATIONS
ON THE PLANET MARS
MANY millions of centuries ago, whenthe celestial globe on which we live andstruggle started to emerge from the hot-airhabit and commenced to cool down and come toits senses, a huge mass of syrup-like material saggeddown toward the lower end of the cooling ball and,upon further cooling, formed a high promontory atwhat we to-day call the South Pole. As a consequencewe now find there a plateau of an elevationfar exceeding in height the highest mountains foundelsewhere on our venerable globe.
You may imagine if you can how cold it mustbe there. The North Pole is supposed to be coolenough for anybody who hates to go to sleep in anoverheated bedroom; but it has been shown to be adepression in the earth’s crust filled with ice, and it[Pg 4]therefore does not mount far above sea level, whilethe South Pole, aside from lacking the sun’s comfortingperpendicular rays, reaches besides so highup in the atmospheric layers as to preclude all possibilityof the prevalence of hot birds. Cold bottlesare about the only means of enjoyment which thetourists, thirsting for amusement, find there at theirdisposal.
Professor FANSEE of the Dreemo Universitywas a courageous man. He may have been afflictedwith a creepy feeling in the still, mysterious shadowsof the night; he may have had a constant fear ofspooks and all sorts of ferocious beasts; he may havestood in perpetual awe of his innocent-looking wife;but it must be said to his everlasting glory that hewas not at all afraid of the cold. It is being whisperedthat after many years of married life his affectionatespouse had at last succeeded in more or lessaccustoming him to frigidity.
Professor FANSEE, moreover, was an expert inastronomy, chemistry and electricity. With a smileof derision he had watched for years the futile effortson the part of certain scientists to communicate withthe planet Mars. Long ago an idea had ripened inhis fertile brain that he knew would ultimately leadto the desired end. The highest plateau on earthhaving been shown to be located at the South Pole,[Pg 5]he decided to direct his Zee-rays from this cool andcalm promontory. For this purpose he caused anenormous hollow globe to be built of non-conductingmaterial, so arranged that the inner chamberswould retain an upright position while the ball wouldbe merrily rolling along. By means of powerfulstorage batteries within this potent structure the apparatuswas made self-propelling. With this rollingvehicle at his beck and call, he needed no shipsto cross the Antarctic ocean, no derricks to hoist hisglobular observatory to the highest peak; and withoutnotifying the press, unostentatiously as befits aserious-minded scientist, he arrived one fine morningat the highest point