PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
VOL. 104.
March 18, 1893.
"WELL MATCHED."
Medico (pathetically, with a view to touching the Dealer'sheart). "Now, Mr. Bobbs, what do youthink I could get a thoroughly good useful Pair of Horsesfor, eh? Price not stiff."
Mr. Bobbs. "Lor' bless you, Sir, to find Horses—nothin'easier. but, as regards Price—well—you can have 'emat all Prices, just as you can Doctors!"
MIXED NOTIONS.
No. VII.—PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE.
(Scene and Persons as usual.)
Inquirer (to First Well-Informed Man). I say, have you ever been inthe House of Commons?
First W. I. M. (shortly). No, you know I haven't.
Inquirer. Oh, I don't mean as a Member. Of course I know you wouldn'tstand the rot of all these Constituents, or whatever they callthemselves. But have you ever been there as a visitor while a debate'sgoing on?
First W. I. M. Yes, once—some years ago. But why do you ask?
Inquirer (producing an order of admission). Well, you see, I got oldJenkins to give me a ticket for to-night, and I'm hanged if I know howI'm to get there, or when I'm to go, or anything about it. I thought youmight be able to tell me how it's done.
First W. I. M. Let's have a look at your ticket.
[Both the Well-Informed Men inspect it withan air of critical sagacity.
First W. I. M. (after a prolonged pause). I don't see where yourdifficulty is. You just present this at the door.
Inquirer. Ah, I daresay!—but what door? That's what I want to know.The place looks as if it had about fifty thousand doors, you know. Andthen I believe, if you make any mistakes, they march you off, intwo-twos, as a dynamiter, or a Socialist, or an agitator, or something.You know old Bonker. Well, he went there once with a black bag, in whichhe'd got some sandwiches and cake, and, just because he wouldn't openit, they made no end of a row, and shoved him in the Clock-tower, orsomething, until he apologised. I don't want any of those games, youknow.
Average Man. Don't take a black bag then. They won't want to searchyour pockets.
Inquirer (relieved). Won't they? That's one comfort, at any rate. Doyou think I ought to go in at the big entrance?
First W. I. M. Of course you ought. The others are only for Members.
Inquirer. Ah! And I suppose I ought to get there pretty early now thatthey've changed their hours. (With determination.) I'll go abouthalf-past eleven.
[A pause. They read papers.
Inquirer (suddenly, with intense alarm). Oh, I say, look here, youchaps. Here's old Gladstone gone and suspended the Twelve o'Clock Rule.What does that mean?
Second W. I. M. It means that they start everything at twelve o'clockin the day.
First W. I. M. No, it doesn't. It means that they don't start anythingtill twelve o'clock at night.
Second W. I. M. (pityingly). My dear fello