That “great creature,” like some other “greatcreatures,” happened, as almanacs say, “about thistime” to be somewhat “out at elbows;”—notin the way of costume, for the very plenitude of his wardrobe wasthe cause which produced this effect, inasmuch as the word“received” in the veritable autograph of Messrs.Moleskin and Corderoy could nowhere be discovered annexed to thebills thereof: a slight upon their powers of penmanship whichroused their individual, collective, and coparcenary ires to such apitch, that they, Messrs. Moleskin and Corderoy, through the mediumof their Attorneys-at-law, Messrs. Gallowsworthy and Pickles, ofFurnival’s Inn, forwarded a writ to the unfortunate HannibalFitzflummery Fitzflam,—the which writ in process of time,being the legal seed, became ripened into a very vigorousexecution, and was consigned to the care of a gentleman holding aCivil employment with a Military title, viz. thatof “Officer” to the Sheriff of Middlesex, withstrict injunctions to the said—anything but Civil orMilitary—nondescript “officer,” tosecure and keep the person of Hannibal Fitzflummery Fitzflam tillsuch time as the debt due to Messrs. Moleskin and Corderoy, and thelegal charges of Messrs. Gallowsworthy and Pickles, should bedischarged, defrayed, and liquidated.
Frequent were the meetings of Messrs. Gallowsworthy and Picklesand their man-trap, and as frequent theirdisappointments:—Fitzflam always gave them the double! Havingprocured leave of absence from the Town Managers, and finding theplace rather too hot to hold him, he departed for the country, and,as fate would have it, arrived at the inn then occupied by Mr.Horatio Fitzharding Fitzfunk.
In this out-of-the-way place he fondly imagined he had neverbeen heard of. Judge then of his surprise, after his dinner andpint of wine, at the following information.
Fitz. “Waiter.”
“Yes, sar.”
“Who have you in the house?”
“Fust of company, sar;—alwaist, sar.”
“Oh! of course;—any one in particular?”
“Yes, sar, very particular: one gentleman very particular,indeed. Has his bed warmed with brown sugar in the pan, and drinksasses’ milk, sar, for breakfast!”
“Strange fellow! but I mean any one of name?”
“Yes, sar, a German, sar; with a name so long, sar, ittake all the indoor servants and a stable-helper to call him up ofa morning.”
“You don’t understand me. Have you any public peoplehere?”
“Yes, sar—great man from town, sar—belongs tothe Theatre—Mr. Fitzflam, sar—quite the gentleman,sar.”
“Thank you for the compliment” (bowinglow).
“No compliment at all, sar; would you like to see him,sar?—sell you a ticket, sar; or buy one of you,sar.”
“What?”
“House expected to be full, sar—sure to sell itagain, sar.”
“What the devil are you talking about?”
“The play, sar—Fitzflam, sar!—there’sthe bill, sar, and (bell rings) there’s the bell,sar. Coming.” (Exit Waiter.)
The first thing that suggested itself to the mind of Mr.Hannibal Fitzflummery Fitzflam was the absolute necessity ofinsisting upon that insane waiter’s submitting to the totalloss of his well-greased locks, and enveloping his outward man inan extra-strong strait-waistcoat; the next was to look at the bill,and there he saw—“horror of horrors!”—thename, “the bright ancestral name”—the name hebore, bursting forth in all the reckless impudence of the largesttype and the reddest vermilion!
Anger, rage, and indignation, like so many candidates for theexalted mutton on