Transcriber's Note:
This etext was produced from If Worlds of Science Fiction May 1953. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.
THE Kenzie REPORT
By Mark Clifton
Illustrated by Kelly Freas
If this story has a moral, it is: "Leave well enoughalone." Just look what happened to Kenzie "mad-about-ants"MacKenzie, who didn't....
hat Kenzie MacKenzie was a mad scientist hardly showed at all. To seehim ambling down the street in loose jointed manner, with sandy hairuncombed, blue eyes looking vaguely beyond normal focus, you mightthink here was a young fellow dreaming over how his gal looked lastnight. It might never occur to you that he was thinking of—ants.
Of course, we fellows in the experimental lab all knew it, but Kenziewasn't too hard to get along with. In fact, he could usually becounted on to pull us out of a technical hole. We put up with himthrough a certain fondness, maybe even a little pride. It gave us aharmless subject to talk about when security was too rigid on otherthings.
Our Department Chief knew it, but Kenzie had solved quite a few knottyelectronics problems. The Chief never has been too particular to seecredit get back to the guy who earned it. We guessed he figured havingKenzie there was profitable to him. In fact, the little redhead inpayroll told me the Chief was drawing quite a few bonus checks.
Personnel probably didn't know about it. Kenzie's papers, buried deepin the files, wouldn't show it; because about the only question theyhad not asked us was, "Where do you stand on the matter of ants?"
There was an unwritten law in the lab for nobody ever to mentioninsects, or even elderly female relatives. I guess that was why itwasn't mentioned to the new guy, name of Robert Pringle. This fellowPringle worked along for a couple weeks and showed us he had the oldknow-how in his fingers. A capable tech, a good joe, and we thought wewere lucky to get him.
On this particular morning, it happened that Pringle was working atthe bench next to Kenzie. Being a talented tech, like the rest of us,his mind naturally ran along more than one channel at the same time. Iexpect he was really surprised at the reaction he got when he shoutedout to the room at large.
"Hey, fellows," he yelled. "I got little green bugs on my roses. Whatdo you do about it?"
The silence made him look up from his work, and he couldn't helpnoticing we all stood there with clinched hands and gritted teeth. Wewere watching Kenzie, who snapped the juice off his soldering iron andpointed the iron at Pringle.
"Those," said Kenzie in a hollow, impressive voice, "are aphis. If youwill look closer, Pringle, you will see among them—ants. The aphid isto the ant as the dairy cow is to the human. Those ants are aphidherders, carefully tending and milking their flock."
"Here we go again," moaned one of the fellows across the lab.
"The ants are a highly intelligent life form," Kenzie went on. "Iwould explain it to