Punch, or the London Charivari
Volume 104, April 22nd 1893
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
"The strange sea-creatures which made their appearance."
Two gentlemen of artistic and literary attainments, having studiedthe romances of Victor Hugo for the sake of being inspired by thatGrand Old Master's style, determined to essay a "thriller" of mosttragic type. These two single authors, Messrs. Wyatt and Ross,beingrolled into one, wanted, like the Pickwickian Fat Boy, "to make ourflesh creep." In their one-volume Hugoesque romance, The EarthGirl, bound in pale grass-green, with blood-red title, theyhave most unequivocally succeeded. The heroine, The Earth Girl, who, atthe last, is sent back whence she came, and so ends by being the"Earth-to-Earth"Girl, is named Terra; she commences by being Terra Incognita, sheis never Terra Firma, but her existence, in its consequences to all whocome within her influence, is quite a reign of Terra. The authors are tobecongratulated on not having yielded to a great temptation by styling their storyThe Earth Girl; or, Terra-ra-ra-Boom! The scene is laid chiefly in theIsland of Breke—but to give too many details would spoil the intending-reader'spleasure. So, as Hamlet observes, "Breke, Breke my heart, forI must hold my tongue!" The Earth Girl first sees the light, such as it is, in acavern, and is brought up on raw eggs fresh from the sea-bird's nest,uncooked herbs, and raw fish. No tea, coffee, milk, or liquors of anydescription, were within reach of this unhappy family of three,consisting of Pa, Ma, and the Infant Phenomenon. How they slakedtheir thirst is not clearly stated, unless a sort of aquarium, in whichsome amiable sharks reposed, was a fresh-water tank. This wildgirl was elegantly brought up, as far as their somewhat straitenedcircumstances would permit, for she learned songs and ballads,French, English, and the Norman patois of the Channel Islands. Inthese peculiar troglodytian surroundings she had never learned theuse of parasol or umbrella, and was entirely ignorant of harp, piano,and the "use of the globes." Coming up out of the caves andbreathing once more the upper air, we naturally find ourselves inhigher society, and are introduced to a handsome old Peer, LordNetherdale, who has two sons, the half-brothers Royallet, one ofwhom gaily addresses his respected parent as "The Paladin ofPaters," and is not at once locked up in Colney Hatch. The old Peer is aseccentricas he is handsome, and he takes up his residence on the Island of Breke, where"the fruit,the vegetables, the strange sea-creatures" (odd fish?), "which made theirappearance on histable," (this sounds as if the strange sea-creatures walked in unasked. Queerplace this Breke for a Breke-fast party!) "pleased him." He was easily pleased.Then "he began to think the island cider preferable to Pommery. In short, theeccentric Peerfell in love with Breke." Well! he must have been an eccentric Peer to preferChannel Islandcider, even from the best orchards, to the '84, '80, and '74—the last stillexistingin some exceptionally favoured spots—from the vinevards of Pommery.This eccentric nobleman on seeing the Island of Breke, observed theabsence of